Hello 2009 — The Year of Change!

The Ukrainian has declared 2009, in the heart of the upcoming Obama inauguration to be The Year of Change.

By the time Spring rolls around, he will have been here 2 years and we will have been married 1 year. Soooo….he should be used to the USA and we should be used to being married. It will be time to do what we do well even better and improve upon the things that need to be improved upon.

When I lived in the Netherlands and had a committed Dutch partner, I was warned that the native partner would come to resent the foreigner’s dependency upon him. While the native might first feel like a hero to be needed so much, the dependence upon him eventually becomes a burden. Likewise, when I first moved to San Francisco, I relied heavily upon my Bulgarian boyfriend (who’d been living in SF for several years and knew the territory) for our social agenda and general knowledge of the City. I learned much from him. But also, as well, he began to resent the fact that so much of my life was lived through his.

Now, there has been some feeling on my part of resentment that maybe the Ukrainian relies upon me a bit too much. It’s difficult to say how much, to quantify these moments. And certainly, he functions quite well on his own. But the fact that I have this feeling at all has created some discord between us. Nothing frightful, but enough to alert us that the nature of our relationship needs to grow and expand a bit. And we are committed to growing and changing!! (God, that sounds so New Age and Californicated.)

So 2009 will be the year I back off a little and not try to control everything and the Ukrainian steps up a little and becomes more comfortable in his new life and takes more initiative. That is our married New Year’s Resolution.

For my personal New Year’s Resolution, I merely wish 2009 to be simple, happy and healthy. We had a very full 2008. A bit more relaxation in 2009 might be in order.

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One Response to “Hello 2009 — The Year of Change!”

  1. Ash Says:

    In my new relationship I am more of the native than my partner is, so I have to do all the communicating with utilities companies/buying of houses contracts/etc and recently he’s been ill which has cast me in the role of translator at the dr’s office, which leaves everyone feeling uncomfortable. It’s a difficult situation to be in. I think any reliance on one partner to be in a ‘parent’ role can end up being troublesome.


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